Wikipedia Editor Extraordinaire Gifts

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Innovative

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"'I think, therefore I am'? - How illusory can you GET?"

'CPA's' evolving into 'Consultants'

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

'Can you redo this manuscript, John, and make it less stupid?'

Attack of the 50 foot administrative professional.

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

Personnel. Portions of my resume have been redacted for national security reasons.

In and out, in and out, in and out...

"Well, no wonder you can't think! There's your brain over there on the floor!"

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Directors Chair and Others.

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

Jeremy Bentham

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

"It's confusing, son, but I'll try to explain: A nerd is a dork who's headed for college. A wonk is a nerd with one or more Ph.D.s. And then there' s the Uber-Wonk, like Daddy, who gets interviewed on TV all the time!"

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

"Just look, boss! There are people who take my stories seriously!"

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

'So in what year did you graduate from the school of hard knocks?'

"A lot of questions about EVs are cleared up once you start driving one."

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'