Wikileaks Followers Pillows

Julian Assange

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"There's so much pressure to like monkeys."

Incorrect weather forecasts.

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

"I suspected barstool founder David Portnoy was racist."

LEV Trump

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

World Cup Fever

"For all you file clerks - busy day tomorrow, lots of clouds."

"Temp, tempo!"

'Let me not answer your question this way...'

'The new Hawkeye proves a hit with most of the crowd at Wimbledon.'

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

The Fad Herald cometh! All hail the arbiter of all things hip. Hear ye. today, a matter of great magnitude. After much deliberation, I am prepared to issue a rare fad correction, and an apology. Two years ago, in a drunken haze, I mistakenly mixed up a 2020 scroll with one meant for 2022. Murmur murmur. Something has felt off. C'mon! The one I mistakenly read in 2020 that should have been read this year … Ripped skinny jeans that cling to the legs like torn Saran Wrap while accentuating the butt

Trucker

Rush Limbaugh 'apologizes' over Slutgate.

Football junkie.

"You'd have thought they'd have all slept with each other by now."

Punk rock Boris Johnson and the Queen

"Let there be jobs!"

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

President Trump: 3 hours without a Constitutional crisis.

"Quick, we need a distraction. Release the pee pee tapes!"

"...and sunny and mild for the next week. Wait. I've just been handed a revised forecast for the Whitleys' vacation."

"Hey, what do you know - a lefty."

Manny Ramirez.

Swine flu hits Britain.

Border Tunnel

Clowns

So Many Democratic Candidates, So Many Identical Platform Planks

'There you are ! - They've been looking everywhere for you.'

"Doctor! I lost my voice."