Whisper Wizard Pillows

"Silence is pretty extreme - can we just take a vow of whispering?"

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

'How to whisper out of the corner of my mouth without moving my lips.'

'If you want someone to believe what you say always whisper it. . .'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'You said the computer was coming between us. So I put your name as my password.'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

Boy whistling at crackers.

'Stop whispering in my ear, it tickles!'

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

Computer help.

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Now all we need is a good script."

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

A few post-Christmas options for Santa.

"Can you spare a few megabytes of your precious time?"

'Social media makes things so much easier to be a gossip."

"I think we could work very well together."

"I said, the brewery has rather overdone the ambiance in here..."

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

The Art of Bantering!

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

Duplass Brothers

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."