Whispering Wizard Pillows

'Social media makes things so much easier to be a gossip."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"Home depot."

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Newt sale

'See how the fools flee when fantasy role-play is fantasy no longer!'

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

Boy whistling at crackers.

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

A few post-Christmas options for Santa.

"I said, the brewery has rather overdone the ambiance in here..."

The Art of Bantering!

Lord of the Rings: Two Towels

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

"I'd just as soon it wasn't cut into those funny little pieces, if you don't mind."

Dr. Prebish didn't always fit in with the other scientists.

'You know, on second thought, we just might have an opening.'

"The madness started with the cow and spread to the others."

'Welcome to the first support group for people who wish they were at Hogwarts.'

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

"These LARPERS are a bit more subtle and reality-based."

Woman riding a sleigh pulled by a black cat

EXPELLI-ANUS!

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone with this many years of experience.'

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

Magic Mushrooms

Ever since I was a calf, I've always wanted my own henchman!