Whimsical Lawyers Gifts

'Do you have a plan B if you can't find work as a frivolous suit litigator?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

'Judge Mental.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

Clive Anderson

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

"My client can't help his verbal obfuscation. He's suffering from straightforwardness dysfunctionality."

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

Crucial testimony in the case of Cinderella vs. the Association of Fairy Godmothers.

'I need a lawyer who specializes in guilty people.'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

"Just to clarify for the court; is that a 'moo moo here' or a 'moo moo there'?"

Chemical Lawyers.

"My client was unaware that public waste disposal places exist, as she only watches TRASH on the television."

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

'We need our lawyers to perform CPR on this group...Confuse, Perplex and Rattle.'

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

"It's a privacy disclosure letter from the tooth fairy."

"He was a plagiarist. So what if I plagiarized him."

"Not to be a killjoy, but this happened on our property. Are liable?"

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'I was caught cheating on my income tax. The irony of it is that I worked for the IRS.'

'I trust the Court will take into account the fact that my client brushes his teeth regularly.'

"Do you two have a history?"