Whimsical Lawyers Gifts

'Do you have a plan B if you can't find work as a frivolous suit litigator?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'Judge Mental.'

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

Clive Anderson

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

"My client can't help his verbal obfuscation. He's suffering from straightforwardness dysfunctionality."

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

Crucial testimony in the case of Cinderella vs. the Association of Fairy Godmothers.

'I need a lawyer who specializes in guilty people.'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

I have a weak case, so I thought I'd use big word balloons.

"Just to clarify for the court; is that a 'moo moo here' or a 'moo moo there'?"

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"My client was unaware that public waste disposal places exist, as she only watches TRASH on the television."

'Your Honor, I object. My client should be judged by a jury of his own bears.'

'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

Chemical Lawyers.

'We need our lawyers to perform CPR on this group...Confuse, Perplex and Rattle.'

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

"It's a privacy disclosure letter from the tooth fairy."

"You sang the blues without paying your dues. How do you plead?"

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"He was a plagiarist. So what if I plagiarized him."

"Not to be a killjoy, but this happened on our property. Are liable?"

'Is it just me or are we showing more leg this year?'

'I was caught cheating on my income tax. The irony of it is that I worked for the IRS.'