Whimsical Gastronomy Guru T-Shirts

'Ey-up, here comes the boss!'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Cookbooks

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

The Witches Discover The Wok

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'The Burrito King.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"