Whimsical Gastronomy Guru T-Shirts

'Ey-up, here comes the boss!'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Soup of the month.

Cookbooks

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'The Burrito King.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

French wine

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'