Whimsical Family Members Gifts

'He comes from a dysfunctional family. His kid's a cop!'

Baby Hairstyles.

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

'Your mother makes a wonderful spoiler.'

'Your future looks charming.'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"Jim was a model Dad".

"I'd better not eat any more broccoli. I'm saving room for spiritual food."

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Pianissimo! Pianissimo!"

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

"But if I close the drawer, won't my breathable underwear suffocate?"

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

"Till death do us part? Does that mean by natural causes, or would an accident count?"

"Dad, tell me about the birds and the bees and safeguards."

Chip off the old Anti-Christ.

The First In-Law of Thermodynamics.

At home with the Cone family.

'Daddy says 'meow'.'

Kangaroo with multiple pockets for lots of children...

"I can't right now. I have to pick the kids up then eat them."

Empty Nest.

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

The "Empty" Nest maxim and misnomer

'I'm gonna die.'

"It's time you knew the truth, Ron. Your father was a horse's a**."

'... Well, I don't know where your Daddy got that idea. I have plenty of brand new bikes in my workshop.'