Well-being Consultant T-Shirts

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

Be Healthy

Unguided imagery

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

Final words on gravestones.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

Mental health

Peace. Love. Light

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

"1971... 2015..."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

'Of course, at first, there was some resentment but now the chaps seem to have accepted things graciously.'

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"So I can eat better here at work."

Heart shaped man exercising with weights.

"Ready to head back?"

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

'… and I'm not sure what you're insinuating here Mrs. Collins, but we hired Ms. Tiffany here based on assets applicable to the job.'

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'