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Dr. Bill Jones At Your Cervix

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"We've made great progress!"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Be Healthy

Bad for you but to die for

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"Let's just say the chocolate chip cookie diet isn't working."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'Madam, this is not pornography. It is a textbook on obsterics and gynecology...'

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

Valleyview diet clinic

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

Preventive medicine.