Corporate Wellness Consultant T-Shirts

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

'Inside healer'

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

'The company has implemented a fitness program. From now on all employees will climb the rope to their offices.'

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Be Healthy

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Unguided imagery

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

"It's hard to keep good people."

Final words on gravestones.

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

"I'm afraid that following the audit, Mr. Davis is no longer with us... On the bright side, the corner office is now available!"

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

'Sire, we fixed that problem in the sales department.'

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

Mental health

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Peace. Love. Light

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."