Weirdo Appreciation Gifts

'Funny how I always get on well with weirdos . . . Dunno why!'

Skeleton playing fetch.

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'I married him because he made my feet tingle when we played footsie. Turns out it was neuopothy.'

'We were made for each other.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"Times were hard for old Sid....He had to get a part-time job!"

"There are tomato genes in the cod, spinach genes in the trout, carrot genes in the halibut..."

'When I married him, I didn't expect the full frontal crudity!'

Sports Memorabilia. It's not an autograph. It's a drawing scribbled by Mickey Mantle. A Yankee doodle!

Arrivals, Purgatory, Departures.

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

"Stop tensing your abdominals!"

'Is this the way to the beach?'

"Give me back my scarf and hat!"

CCTV security on heaven's doors.

"I'd like something home reared, then meat for the lion, well done, no blood understand? The scarecrow has a seed intolerance and that guy over will eat anything out of a tin."

'The opinions expressed by Mrs Latimore are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of Mr Latimore.'

Live goldfish for sale

'A babe magnet? Shouldn't that be a fridge magnet?!'

'It got throne away.'

Mower Fraud!

There are some bad neighbors in the building where I live. One creep was kicked out for inappropriate actions. I call him "The Flash." "Catwoman" violates the no-pets policy. "Aquaman" hogs all the hot water. And the "Green Hulk" is a huge guy who berates people when they don't separate recyclables from other trash. On the plus side, when anything breaks here, it is quick fixed. Ah, "Superman"!

This marriage will never work --- She's a go anywhere gal and he's a one-step-at-a-time guy.

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

"Oh no - I hate this guy."

"He's not an acquired taste. He's a rinse and spit."

Undertakers Pole

This episode would be known as 'The sink of doom!'

'See, your father's never afraid of being in the minority.'

'Come on, push me: I did it for you...'

The number of the beast's next-door neighbour.

Genetic Research Institute.

PLEASE [continued on next card].