Wedding Video Critic Pillows

'I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can walk out of church a free man!'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

Hats and Greetings

"My client doesn't have to answer that."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

Taylor Swift caricature

'If anyone here objects to the marriage of these two men, speak up now because opponents are aging and dying off and soon won't matter anymore...'

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

"I liked you better as my first husband."

Mayor Gojo presents a keycard to the city to celebrity.

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

'Nothing grows in the shade.'

"To Sarah and her anxiety! Together forever!"

'What's the matter, baby? . . . Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.'

"...for better OR worse, not AND."

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'I'm not complaining, Walter -- I just thought marriage would be more interactive.'

"This is going to be a great video!"

"Don't you think we've done enough 'begetting'?"

'You may not be an ambulance-chaser, but how many divorce lawyers attend every wedding in town?'

"I thought celibacy only happened if you got married."

"I lined it up with our prenup."

"Imagine, if you will, being trapped but you're trying to make the best of it."

Wedding Car

"And the award goes to...but then again, why bother?"

'Marital Status?' - 'Henpecked.'

Customer sees sign on Bridal Shop window: Closed while I'm getting a divorce.

He sometimes wondered if his new trophy wife was just after his money. (Towels read 'kin' and 'next of kin').

'I don't know about you, but even I'm getting bored with all the cat stuff on Facebook.'