Wedding Video Critic Prints

'I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can walk out of church a free man!'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

Hats and Greetings

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

Taylor Swift caricature

"My client doesn't have to answer that."

'If anyone here objects to the marriage of these two men, speak up now because opponents are aging and dying off and soon won't matter anymore...'

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

Mayor Gojo presents a keycard to the city to celebrity.

"...for better OR worse, not AND."

"To Sarah and her anxiety! Together forever!"

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'What's the matter, baby? . . . Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.'

'Nothing grows in the shade.'

'I'm not complaining, Walter -- I just thought marriage would be more interactive.'

"This is going to be a great video!"

'You may not be an ambulance-chaser, but how many divorce lawyers attend every wedding in town?'

"I lined it up with our prenup."

"I thought celibacy only happened if you got married."

"Imagine, if you will, being trapped but you're trying to make the best of it."

"And the award goes to...but then again, why bother?"

"Don't you think we've done enough 'begetting'?"

'Marital Status?' - 'Henpecked.'

Wedding Car

Customer sees sign on Bridal Shop window: Closed while I'm getting a divorce.

He sometimes wondered if his new trophy wife was just after his money. (Towels read 'kin' and 'next of kin').

JUST MARRIED (Just not in the eyes of his church).