Wedding Planner's Favorite Gifts

'Wait a minute -- aren't you going to read me my rights?'

Lesbian civil partnership.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'He does.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"...until death do you a favor."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Wedding disaster #27.

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."