Wedding Planner's Dream Gifts

'I hope you don't mind carpooling.'

'That's what I call a real ring bear.'

"We could save a lot if we move the wedding to the front yard and document it with the doorbell camera."

Lesbian civil partnership.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Boat wedding.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'I always cry at weddings!'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"...until death do you a favor."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Wedding disaster #27.

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'