Wedding Humor Collector Gifts

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

A. 'That's Jones's daughter with him. She's just about to be married.' B. 'Who's the lucky man?' A. 'Jones.'

"I'm sorry son, was that, 'I do', or 'please kill me'?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'You may now kick the bride.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"His note says the bachelor party was so great, he's decided to remain a bachelor."

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

Just married.

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

When Female Leopards Marry.

"To begin with, he ate most of the wedding cake..."

"Man, I hate it when she sneaks up on me like that."

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

Trouble Ahead

"And do you also promise to be LinkedIn for life, facebook friends forever and to stay off Tinder till you're burnt to a cinder?"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

"I knew they had shot gun weddings in the wild west, but not in Milton Keynes!"