Web Savvy Patient Prints

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

Facebook/Meta

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

'Forget the birds and the bees. I downloaded that from the Internet. Tell me about day trading.'

"I agree, a national conversation on privacy is wait! Yum...I've gotta share these pix!"

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

Harvest Data Festival

"Sometimes I think I have the best kids in the world. But maybe I should google it just make sure."

"I know this movie just came out today. But it's been on the Internet for over a month."

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I would like some facebook friends for Christmas."

"She would've been more credible if she hadn't kept saying, 'according to your Wikipedia page'."

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"Tablets? Are we talking digital or paper?"

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

Web search for 'the fairest of them all'.

'Must be another of Obama's healthcare cost cutting.'

Somebody hacked into my Twitter account. That explains why your tweets have been smart, funny and G-rated lately.

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"I didn't endorse him, but I 'Liked' him on Facebook."

Updating the Wedding Car