Web Savvy Patient Pillows

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"I agree, a national conversation on privacy is wait! Yum...I've gotta share these pix!"

'Forget the birds and the bees. I downloaded that from the Internet. Tell me about day trading.'

Harvest Data Festival

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

"I know this movie just came out today. But it's been on the Internet for over a month."

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"Tablets? Are we talking digital or paper?"

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

Web search for 'the fairest of them all'.

'Must be another of Obama's healthcare cost cutting.'

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."