App-loving Patient Prints

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

A mobile phone reads bedtime stories.

"Since laughter is the best medicine, I'm downloading the Laugh-Track App."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

"That's not what it says on the Web."

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"We have a new app that does sin to atonement conversion."

'We come to your planet in search of free apps.'

"Yeah, I had to get a second cell phone just to hold all my apps!"

"Check out this app. It let's you substitute other vegetables for your nose."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

'I'm downloading a free employee evaluation app'

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

'Must be another of Obama's healthcare cost cutting.'

"It's my new Taser app, Dave. What do you think?"

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"What a nightmare...no signal!"

"Are my test results in yet?" "Yes, you can see them on my website!"