Waterbed Tester Gifts

"First they kicked me out of the petting zoo, then I lost my job testing water beds."

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Rust test in progress.

Product Testing Department

Crash test dummy employee of the month.

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

'They're not like popsickles, Sir. . . they're just too warm and syrupy.'

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

The Best Defense for Trump's Wall

'We were just testing our faith.'

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

"They do say results will vary."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

'Reading that stuff gives me 'goose bumps'.'

At the National Whoopee Cushion Testing Facility.

'..A new method of extracting money from purses.'

'So how was work, Honey?'

What a night. I slept like a baby. I thought you had insomnia. My doctor gave me Slumberesta, the new sleeping pill. That stuff really works? Puts your right down. Even for an unsuspecting old lady jacked up on caffeine. Huh? Zzz. I must be really boring.

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

Circus News

At the Flip-Flop Quality Control Center.

"Any accidents within the last twelve months?"

"If you didn't like your job, you should go into ventriloquism like your brother."

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Sparkling Waterbed.

"You're the perfect man for our production test lab, sir!"

Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head? I'm glad you (huff) asked. Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death. So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills. Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill? They walk. ... Walk.

"How did the acupuncture session go, Sebastian?"

Product Testing: Nicotine and Cosmetics.

"I see your son has a summer job."

A woman runs a crash test dummy in a shopping cart.