Watching Mystery Shows T-Shirts

"It's a popular size - much bigger and you won't get the body in the trunk."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Now that's a win."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Must-See Lockdown TV.

He loves the water.

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'

"I can't be sure...I only got a quick look."

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

TV show is called Repossesion Repossession. Man says: 'I see the property shows are reacting to the economic downturn.'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

The Investigation

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

Washing line with robber outfit and swag bag hanging up to dry.

Clinical psychology involves observation of patients in clinics and related settings. Forensic psychology takes place at crime scenes. Cognitive psychology uses mathematical models. It can happen at a computer. Ernie prefers to put his patients in the car and drive backwards. Which is? Reverse psychology.

Mobster Dogs Burying Bones

"Tell me the truth. . . what happens to all the leftover cake scraps in The Great British Baking Show?"

Doughnut Criminals

'... and make it look like an accident.'

'It's not for acting...It's for a testimony in a courtroom.'