Watching Live Sports Gifts

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

Live soccer today.

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

350 Feet.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Putting Practice.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

Watching the football.

The commentators want to run the officials...

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you sit through overtime?"

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

'They've made this 3D football really realistic, it even chucks coins at you.'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

"Who do you like in the super bowl?"

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

Man watching football on T.V. in armchair made of beer cans.