Watching Kids T-Shirts

"My mom is a little overprotective, so she binge watches me."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

I like the Jets...I guess

Wildlife

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Santa Claus's Mail

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

Cariactures

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Look, a bug!"

"And this is our media room."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

"I AM at my usual position."

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

SALE

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"That'll be five bucks."

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'