Warranty Appreciator Pillows

'I'm sorry, sir, but your warranty, for 'more fun' is void after 90 days if you don't use breathing hole.'

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'What if I promise not to look?'

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

Late-Onset Epiphany

You've Got Mail

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

Old Tortoise

"Good night, Al. We still haven't found it."

Sue Perkins

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

"Some clean room - there's a fly in my potassium nitrate."

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

"I've finally got my head together."

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

"I don't know a damn thing about art, but my back hasn't felt this good in years."

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Petition to ban petitions from outside this market.

'I'm very proud of what he achieved during his life.'

"This is not what I meant when I said you should try to live in the present."

Perpetual Motion.

'FQ...?'

"My favorite is also 'let sleeping dogs lie'."

"I'm telling you my computer is making an obscene gesture!"

A toaster plays fetch

You have to admit, For He's a Jolly Good Fellow is a defense that's pretty hard to deny.

"...and this is my better half...!"

"Life was a LOT easier before AI and the 'Internet of things'!"

'He helps keep me focused on what matters most.'

"Oh no! Set decorator and special effects wizard Emilio Ruiz del Rio, who worked on 'Dr. Zhivago,' 'Lawrence of Arabia' and 'Pan's Labyrinth' has died!"