Reliability Appreciator Pillows

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"My kid could do that."

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

You've Got Mail

Flower growing from a bomb.

"It's a pizza leaflet..."

"We live so far away that the postman posts our mail to us."

"Well, I admire your resilience."

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

Everyone thinks they can do it

"Sorry, grandpa, but wiggling the antenna won't restore your cable and Internet."

"I'm telling you my computer is making an obscene gesture!"

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

Perpetual Motion.

"I hope your parents appreciate the effort I make to get dressed and leave the house."

'Do you swear to tell the truth even though you'd be crazy not to lie?'

"You will have my dead body but not my obedience."

"Rex, I've always admired your loyalty to the firm."

'This is the last time I go golfing with a lumberjack.'

"Baldo, no one likes being told what to do...but taking direction is a part of life."

"Obviously we'd have loved to help, but there were so MANY other calls on the public purse!"

Policemen marching

Scottish drill sergeant.

"With all that tinkering do you really save time?"

"I'm trying to position myself as loyal."

"This gold star is for being a good cop and...hey you! Don't turn around! You have been a very bad cop!"

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