Reliability Appreciator T-Shirts

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"My kid could do that."

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

You've Got Mail

Flower growing from a bomb.

"It's a pizza leaflet..."

"We live so far away that the postman posts our mail to us."

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

"Well, I admire your resilience."

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

Perpetual Motion.

"Sorry, grandpa, but wiggling the antenna won't restore your cable and Internet."

"Enjoy your youth. Soon you'll be an old cynic like me with nothing worth barking at."

"I'm telling you my computer is making an obscene gesture!"

I have to tell you, your honor, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about my case right now. Have a nice verdict.

"I hope your parents appreciate the effort I make to get dressed and leave the house."

Everyone thinks they can do it

"Rex, I've always admired your loyalty to the firm."

'This is the last time I go golfing with a lumberjack.'

'Do you swear to tell the truth even though you'd be crazy not to lie?'

"You will have my dead body but not my obedience."

"Baldo, no one likes being told what to do...but taking direction is a part of life."

'I'm sorry, sir, but your warranty, for 'more fun' is void after 90 days if you don't use breathing hole.'

It's not deja vu if you get it every day, Bob.

"I'm trying to position myself as loyal."

"Obviously we'd have loved to help, but there were so MANY other calls on the public purse!"

"With all that tinkering do you really save time?"

He' not a quitter - I

Scottish drill sergeant.

Policemen marching

"This gold star is for being a good cop and...hey you! Don't turn around! You have been a very bad cop!"