Wannabe Linguist Pillows

"Your ordering in French would have been more romantic if you didn't have to read it off your phone."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"So you can tweet. That's why you have to learn the alphabet."

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

Heart To Heart

Artichoking victim

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"Is it ne'er do wells, or ne'ers do well?"

Overly wordy travel.

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

Simultaneous translation.

'How God invented polish'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

Boss hands over document: 'There are too many abbreviations in your report ? can you rewrite it asap?'

Cut A Rug

'How come it's always me who has his name taken?'

Back Down

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"I'm home deer!"

"Spell "orange." "The fruit or the colour, Miss?"

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

'I just don't get that guy. Sometimes he sits with us... sometimes he doesn't.'

'We don't seem to be doing well in the foreign beverage market. However, due to a mistranslation of our slogan we've become the leading international provider of embalming fluid.'

'Watch this - I told him the correct pronunciation of Pinot Noir is peanut noyer.'