Wannabe Wordsmith Pillows

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"Well they say everyone has a book in them."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

I think you're ace

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

"Swing me with your words."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

Intellectual Foreplay...

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

A Poet

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

Books vs mobile phones

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

You trip on it, you buy it.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

Bell Hop

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."