Wannabe Wordsmith Pillows

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

I think you're ace

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"Swing me with your words."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

Intellectual Foreplay...

A Poet

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

Books vs mobile phones

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

You trip on it, you buy it.

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

Bell Hop

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Tom Stoppard