Wannabe Detective Prints

"Empty, like the last six joints you cased. Man, don't give up your day job."

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

Zorro as a child.

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Clive couldn't work out who was stealing office equipment...

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

As Seen On TV

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

'Now that WE'VE found the secret message we will respond by not telling anyone.'

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'My theory is he's faking sleep in order to get the $50 for the study.'

Who do you think you're kidding? The cub scouts don't have a "special ops."

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

'Sounds to me like you're not getting enough REM sleep.'

Don't be so hard on yourself, Plum. I'm sure a candlestick in the conservatory seemed like the perfect crime at the time.

'If you are going to be a CSI, you can't say yuck at everything you see!'

Department of Dream Studies

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

Yes, inspector, it's another cold-blooded murder!

It appears that the victim was a nerd

Crime and Identification

'It says, 'Miss Scarlet in the kitchen with the candlestick.''