Wall Street Wannabe Mugs

'If you're so smart, how come you never invest any of your own money?'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

"I understand he's compensating for having been left out of the stock option programme."

'I'll get even with them. Someday I'll become a full-commission stockbroker.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

A stripe of stockbrokers

'I'd like to invest in some young companies.'

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

'Believe it or not there actually was a time when we accepted money for executing trades up to 5,000 shares.'

'Motivation...I want huge amounts of money. Vast amounts of cash.'

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

"Yes, They're all fine thanks, Max - how's your portfolio?"

'Do we have any stocks rated 'cute'?'

'We may be getting older, but we still have street cred.'

Caution: Falling Businessmen - A Sign of the Times

"You want me to recommend that stock? It's done more reverse splits than the Rockettes."

'I just got back from Wall Street.'

'The bonuses are in. You buy lunch, I'll buy the restaurant.'

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'I followed the old Wall Street adage and 'sold in May and went away.' That was in '74. Too bad there's no return adage.'

'Why don't you just screen for stocks that will go up?'

"O.K., now Reed, Bruno, Parker & Van Patten, Inc., followed by Hanover, Norris, Upham, Wallace & Peck."