Wall Street Wannabe Pillows

'If you're so smart, how come you never invest any of your own money?'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

"I understand he's compensating for having been left out of the stock option programme."

'I'll get even with them. Someday I'll become a full-commission stockbroker.'

"Kevin brags that he day trades on Wall Street, but his ringtone is still Sesame Street."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

Warren Buffett as a child

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

'He's precocious.'

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

A stripe of stockbrokers

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

'I'd like to invest in some young companies.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

"You want me to recommend that stock? It's done more reverse splits than the Rockettes."

'We may be getting older, but we still have street cred.'

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

"Yes, They're all fine thanks, Max - how's your portfolio?"

'Believe it or not there actually was a time when we accepted money for executing trades up to 5,000 shares.'

Caution: Falling Businessmen - A Sign of the Times

'Motivation...I want huge amounts of money. Vast amounts of cash.'

'Do we have any stocks rated 'cute'?'

'I just got back from Wall Street.'

'The bonuses are in. You buy lunch, I'll buy the restaurant.'