Future Wall Street Wizard Pillows

Warren Buffett as a child

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

'He's precocious.'

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

Investment advice from father to son:"Learn to walk and then learn to invest. I'm depending on you to look after me when I grow old."

Pork Bellies.

The Little Banker Bonus Pack

"All agreed? We buy low and sell high."

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

'But the short term view is very good.'

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

"I learned about the birds and the bees in school. Now tell me about the bulls and bears."

"Bull market? Depends on which end of the bull we're talking about."

"The market was unstable today, the brokers were unstable and the public was unstable. Analysts believe this is the new normal."

Economic crisis.

"After the crash I wanted to shoot myself... but I could not afford the bullet."

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

Ask About our Free Investment Advice: 'The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed investment advice for a fee.'