Financial Wizard Wannabe Pillows

'Honestly, Boss, I only asked it how to make ends meet on the salary you pay me. . .'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Soaring Profits

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Saving for College.

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'