Wall Street Jokester Pillows

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'Sounds like a good stock - I'll take a six-pack.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"And, of course, this is when all our loose change fell out of our pockets."

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'Salary requirement? -- Just keep me out of the top two percent.'

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"This little snow globe isn't just a paperweight...it was the original business model!"

'In dog years, I have seniority.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'How are you at takeovers?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"Whoa. Nap time again. Meeting adjourned."

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

'Hello, parent company? -- the guy at the next desk keeps LOOKING at me!'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"I.T. says these new laptops they gave us come loaded with all the latest viruses."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I have your evaluation...great teamwork, great morale...basically, you're a good dog."