Wall Street Jokester Pillows

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'Sounds like a good stock - I'll take a six-pack.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"And, of course, this is when all our loose change fell out of our pockets."

"This little snow globe isn't just a paperweight...it was the original business model!"

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'Salary requirement? -- Just keep me out of the top two percent.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

'In dog years, I have seniority.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'How are you at takeovers?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'Hello, parent company? -- the guy at the next desk keeps LOOKING at me!'

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"I.T. says these new laptops they gave us come loaded with all the latest viruses."

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"I have your evaluation...great teamwork, great morale...basically, you're a good dog."

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'