Stock Market Jokester Pillows

"Blue chips"

Got anything for the small investor?

'Hey... It seems Roy just followed his stocks...'

'You call yourself a full-service broker? Where are the danish and muffins?'

'And remember our guarantee: If your order isn't filled in under 10 seconds, it's probably lost somewhere in our system.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Now, where was I?"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."