Waiting Room Humor Appreciator Pillows

"His first out-of-body experience."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"Your animal companionship is here!"

"I'm a monster."

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"Overkill, dude."

God with Earth Controller

Cheesie Rider

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

Mummy Shrink.

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

Medical Center.

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."