Hospital Humor Appreciator Pillows

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

'That's the radio, Allison, but I caught the symbolism.'

'This get well card is from the nurses you have been complaining about.'

"We find it calms the patient."

"That stupid selfie you took with that shark went viral. I hope it was worth it."

'I had that for lunch!'

Hospital Sign: Stabbed. . .

"Oh, I thought you knew; the Groupon deal doesn't include anaesthesia."

"Leave him alone. He's doing a great job!"

"I've got other patients to see, try not to kick that while I'm gone."

'Because of your inadequate insurance coverage, your baby arrived C.O.D.'

You're my anesthesiologist? Get back you pig!

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'

'Hey doctor, how come I'm totally alone in this section?'

Hospital bed 1 'Remission impossible'

"Sorry for the wait - I hope it wasn't too long."

'We're too late... He's already signed an organ donor card.'

"I'll need some form of identity..."

ER, The Musical: 'I'm a medic...' 'n' I'm a medic...' 'They're a paramedics!'

"For a hopeless vegetable it's amazing the way he's been able to maintain his sense of humor."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'