Waiting Line Humorist Gifts

"Trust me, this place is worth the wait."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

'Can you do anything else?'

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"I have to go. I have another coffee break on seven."

Easter Island Safe Distancing Barber Queue

Spock visits the Orthopedics

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

Sandwich Bar.

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

'Are you sure that hitting it with a baseball bat will work?'

Urologist waiting room surprise.

Turkey Hotline

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

Size matters!

Stand in the Q.

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

'Wait a minute...did you just cut in line?'

"I spend so much time sitting at my desk, my chair now suffers from separation anxiety. I only left for lunch, and it had to follow me."

'Who's next'

'No wonder I'm failing math. I'm just no good with numbers. Even when I dialed the math homework helpline, I got the wrong number.'

Post Office (packages for delivery)

You'd better hope PETA doesn't find out you've got me working up here without a net.

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

Coffee Table Remote Controls

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.