Waistline Watchdog Gifts

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

How can he sleep so comfortably knowing that pillow will someday be clogging a land fill...

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Beware of falling Humpty Dumpties.'

"We'll analyze the only thing left to analyze: what people throw away."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Fat man on scales.

Scales

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Shrink

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Weight Gain Denial

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

Unfortunately my weight is like the stock market. In the short run it goes up and down, but over the long term in keeps reaching new heights.

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

Typical...You don't see one for weeks then they all arrive together.'