Wage Earner Gifts

'My kids have just found out that their friends all get three meals a day.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"They pay well but they expect a lot from you."

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

"I'd like a raise, I can't afford to binge drink on what you pay me."

'I had a terrible day. . . but the money was good.'

"I see it's payday again Perkins!"

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

'He is expecting you about your raise request. He will see you in a few minutes...'

Well done, I hear you hit your target. Yes, a week for two in Hawaii.

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

'I could be happy with less.. but I'd rather be ecstatic with more.'

'I'm prepared to offer you a raise... if you work hard!' 'I knew there'd be a catch!'

'HR fired me because of an 'unstable job demand'. When I demanded a decent wage, they said I was unstable.'

"If you're going to grub for something, it might as well be money."

"They are what keeps me going. You wouldn't believe how expensive it is raising three kids."

'Some of these players get paid more than the prime minister...'

'A raise? Has all the media doom and gloom about the economy been wasted on you?'

"The new position not only comes with a bump in salary, but allows me to extend my reach into areas where I'm not qualified."

Actually, I'm not aware that it's a constitutional right to get an allowance...

"I see you didn't get an obscene bonus last year. The government was counting on it."

"I'm at that sweet spot in my career...right between 'young and underpaid' and 'old and too expensive.'"

"My salary is struggling to keep pace with the empty bottomless pit of my greed."