Vuvuzela Virtuoso Gifts

"Enough with the vuvuzela, Dad."

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

'That's it, gentlemen! You've just had your last vuvuzela band practice!'

Teacher to kid blowing vuvuzela: 'Just say, 'Here'!'

His Master's Vuvuzela

'Apart from the vuvuzela incident did you enjoy England's World Cup games?'

"Vuuuuuuuuuuu!"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'Coleridge'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

Poetry repairman

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

Writer

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

"Are you pleased to see me or is that a vuvuzela down your trousers?"

Writer Blinds Shakespeare in Shame.

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Nikolai Alekseevich Klyuev

'They call me the 'grandfather' of Hip-Hop!'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

"Turn down the bass."