Vacuum Virtuoso Gifts

"You can't bring that. Cleanliness may be next to godliness, but nature abhors the sound of a vacuum."

I give up. What is it?

'Could you come back next week and demonstrate it yet again?'

'Hey, it beats the heck out of raking.'

'Who's the clown responsible for ordering the new exercise equipment?'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'...I'll be over there, waiting in the bushes.'

"Switch it off! Switch it off!"

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

'Look Arthur! Your Holy Grail!'

"...yes I just popped in to feed your cat and do a spot of vacuuming!"

Mammoth hoover

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

'Now that he's retired I've shown him where the hoover is.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

Another annoying window-to-window salesman.

Parking lot at the coven

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"If you can do it better, do it yourself!"

"This is much cheaper than liposuction."

'I wish you had planned your retirement more carefully.'

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

Post-presidential career opportunities

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

"The vacuum has too much suction."

"The monster under my bed left this for you."

Human Dust Buster

'Well, they may be out of of time outs, but you aren't. Raise your feet!'

"That's the finest vacuum cleaner you've ever designed."

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

"I guess she wanted an upright."

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

The hazards of Cleaning a Magic Carpet

'Pull the cord! The vacuum works now!'