Vowel Vigilante Gifts

"And just where did that extra vowel come from?"

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

'This goes way beyond just keeping the flies off me...I'm fighting crime now too!'

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

Scarecrows guarding a field

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

You can relax now.

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

Guns won't help

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

"Stocks closed higher on news that despite market volatility, Edgar Freund, just an average investor from Petoskey, Michigan, decided not to sell anything."

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"I do wish they'd hurry up with that vaccine, so I can get back to worrying about dying of something else."

"Not only a great painter but a pioneer in promoting the awareness of self-harming."

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

A knight fights the Covid-19 virus.

'Yer luck's run out old timer - I've come fer what's mine!'

The Marks of Zorro

Journalism

"I made my lawyer, best man. That way he can make sure I don't get too generous with my vows."

'She wasn't hoydening when she chuffed arrack.'

He takes snitching on car drivers to another level…

'You appreciate that you have just used a split infinitive!'

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

Planet Earth using a mask to avoid contain because of virus

Masked intruder

Cat's 'To Do' list.

'And when exactly did you start sprouting feathers?' - Public warned against buying 'Bird Flue' Antivirals over the internet.

"I feel a lot safer around here since your Grandad joined the Neighbourhood Watch!"