Volatility Enthusiast Gifts

New York Stocks

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Wall Street Couch

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

wealth investment

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'