Voicemail Maestro Pillows

Text Culture

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Target your message

A woman playing a keyboard

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"My best friend is my phone."

Hollywood producer.

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

The Four Tops in Concert

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

Hip-hop cops on stage.

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

The Poet.

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

Recording Studio

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

Annoucement

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

Tom Waits.