Voicemail Maestro T-Shirts

You only do text. I do text AND voicemail.

Text Culture

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

A woman playing a keyboard

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Target your message

'If I can't do it by iPhone, I don't do it.'

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

Hollywood producer.

"My best friend is my phone."

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Hip-hop cops on stage.

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

The Four Tops in Concert

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

"I lost all my hair to the texting bubbles that came and went without saying a word."

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

The Poet.

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

The alphabet blocks are great for teaching him how to text!

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

Recording Studio

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

Those four microwave dings you just heard indicate that dinner is ready, Lance. Hop to it! Unlike some individuals I know, I am not one of Pavlov's wolverines.