Instant Message Maestro Pillows

"I lost all my hair to the texting bubbles that came and went without saying a word."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Text Culture

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

Target your message

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'If I can't do it by iPhone, I don't do it.'

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

Hollywood producer.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"My best friend is my phone."

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

The Four Tops in Concert

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

Hip-hop cops on stage.

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

Study more to pass more tests.

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

The Poet.

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

"And that's why we don't have nice things."

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."