Instant Message Maestro Gifts

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Text Culture

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Target your message

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

Hollywood producer.

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

"My best friend is my phone."

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

Hip-hop cops on stage.

The Four Tops in Concert

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

Study more to pass more tests.

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

The Poet.

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

These remarks are completely off the record

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'