Viticulturist Gifts

Serving wine - "I make it myself."

'It's time to retire from the winemaking business, Maurice - Just look at your skin-to-pulp ratio.'

'Yeah, I've got the new guy working on table wines. He seems to be getting the hang of it.'

'What do you mean, you don't want to dry grapes in the sun for dessert wines, like your father? He's a big success--and only 32!'

'Funny, when he was a movie director and yelled, 'cut', he wanted everyone to stop.'

Portrait at the vineyard

Vineyard Portrait

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

"Somethin' here says this wine is 'su-stainable.' That means if you get any on 'ya, it won't come out!"

'Okay, so we had a rainy spring. If we can't make these grapes into wine, maybe we can sell them as water balloons.'

'Who's the new guy?'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'Hey, you should be thanking us for improving your cluster-to-leaf balance.'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

'I think we can skip the resume.'

'Of course, here in Australia we have to learn to contend with vineyard pests that are unique to our locale.'

'Hey, if they can grow in Michigan...'

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'

'My luck; I come to apply for a grape-stomping job, and I get on line behind Bigfoot.'

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

'I've pruned it to look like my ex - she was perennially sour grapes, too.'

'And imagine my horror, at discovering, while touring Burgundy, that the grapevines there grow--in dirt!'

Prize vegetables.

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Gardener attacked by plants.

Gardener

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."