Vitamin Virtuoso Gifts

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"You want to take some omega-3? You ARE omega-3."

Why Rome Fell:'Peel you a grape? Don't you know that the skin is where all the vitamins are?'

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

Senior Super Health Meal: 'It's a spoonful of vitamins.'

'Do you think oranges are healthy?'

'How many of those vitamins did you give him?'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

An informed voter is a good voter

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Vegetable Cook

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again.'

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

Planting veggies

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'